Laura Bergells is Maniactive

Laura Bergells is Maniactive http://bergells.com ...a lifestreaming adventure. posterous.com Sat, 03 Dec 2011 15:37:59 -0800 Never give to charities that telemarket. http://bergells.com/never-give-to-charities-that-telemarket http://bergells.com/never-give-to-charities-that-telemarket

OK, non-profits and charities that telemarket for funds, especially during the holiday season:

You suck.

You're not getting any money from me. Stop calling. Put me on the do-not-call list.

And oh! How I DON'T love hearing you smugly tell me that because you're a non-profit, you're exempt from DO NOT CALL.

QUESTION: How do you know that the people you're randomly dialing aren't the exact same people you're purportedly trying to help?

ANSWER: You don't.

Ever wonder how many elderly and handicapped have fallen while eagerly trying to get to the phone, thinking it might be a relative they haven't heard from in years calling to wish them a happy holiday?

Of course you don't.

Because you obviously don't seem to care. You only seem to be in it for the pennies.

I've watched the handicapped and elderly fall trying to get to your phone call. I've watched them choke back tears of disappointment when they learn that it wasn't their son calling: it was you.

You. With your pitch for dough... so that you can 'help' the less fortunate.

You. Suck.

Stop calling.

You're not helping.

You're a scourge.

(I'm looking at you, Salvation Army. How would you like it if I smugly told you I was exempt from putting trash in your collection buckets this holiday season? Because I think I am...but how is sharing that information even remotely kind or considerate?)

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Sun, 06 Nov 2011 10:22:58 -0800 Time doesn't change. How could it? http://bergells.com/time-doesnt-change-how-could-it http://bergells.com/time-doesnt-change-how-could-it

My family is comprised of many independent, artistic sorts. One of us will move the clock backward, won't tell anybody, and then someone else will, too.

Then, some other artist in the residence thinks it's "fall backward in the spring and spring forward in the fall", so he'll set it forward an hour without telling anyone.

As a result, none of us are ever sure what time it is.

But really. How can anyone ever know, for sure?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Wed, 21 Sep 2011 08:50:00 -0700 Facebook Changes: A Major Win http://bergells.com/facebook-changes-a-major-win http://bergells.com/facebook-changes-a-major-win Like many, I logged into Facebook this morning to a wall of whining. Facebook made major design changes. Most of my friends don't like it. They are very vocal about their displeasure.

They are whining about the changes.

Ironically, they are whining about how much they don't like Facebook...on Facebook.

They seem to have forgotten that they are not Facebook's customers. They are Facebook's product.

To state the obvious, customers are people who pay money for a product or service. If you use Facebook and do not pay them, you are not a customer. You are their product. Facebook sells your time and attention.

When you whine about Facebook on Facebook, you are being a very good product. You are generating more eyeballs and engagement for Facebook's customers.

If you truly do not like Facebook, how else might you use your time, attention, and resources?

The answer should be obvious.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Mon, 12 Sep 2011 08:47:11 -0700 What's up with all the non-responsive answers lately? http://bergells.com/whats-up-with-all-the-non-responsive-answers http://bergells.com/whats-up-with-all-the-non-responsive-answers

I've noticed an epidemic of what lawyers call "the non-responsive answer" lately. Except instead of the courtroom, I see the non-responsive answer in too many business situations that require an immediate answer.

What's a non-responsive answer? It's when you ask a direct question, but receive an answer to a question you didn't ask.

Q: "Do you sell Brand X?"

A: "We recently changed suppliers."

Q: "How's Thursday at 3pm for our meeting?"

A: "I'm in the office all day on Thursday."

Q: "What do you say we go to X Restaurant for lunch at noon today?"
A: "I went there for lunch last month."

While conversations can be valuable relationship builders, these types of answers lead to annoying and pointless conversations. They're relationship destroyers, not relationship builders.

Conversely, let's say someone asks you a direct question. If you answer swiftly and decisively, many seem irked or try to engage you in further roundabout discussions: even if they agree with your decision! These people tend to be paid by the hour, trying to pad the bill with conversational drivel. They are almost never sales people: they know that when the customer says "yes" -- for goodness sake, stop talking!

Is "billable hour" bill-padding behind the rise in popularity of the non-responsive answer? Is the old sales training "never directly tell the customer 'no'" behind it? And why are so many taken aback by quick decisiveness?

What factors are behind the rise in the non-responsive answer? And why is a direct and decisive answer often perceived as a character flaw?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Wed, 31 Aug 2011 11:54:00 -0700 What's a real name, anyway? http://bergells.com/whats-a-real-name-anyway http://bergells.com/whats-a-real-name-anyway

"Give me your first name. We'll call it when your lunch is ready," demanded the woman behind the counter. She had just taken my order for a chicken sandwich and tea.

"Laura," I replied.

"Spell it," she barked.

"Spell it any way you please," I said.

She looked up from her pad of paper and frowned.

"I need to know how to spell it correctly," she said.

"It doesn't matter how I spell it. Just spell it so that you'll pronounce it correctly. That way, I'll recognize my name when you call it," I reasoned.

This answer didn't please the frowning woman.

"Just. Spell. It." she snarled.

I don't like annoying anyone who handles my food. I spelled it, smiling to appease the agitated order-taker. She was not in a mood for playful banter.

Later, she mispronounced my name when she called it. After all, if you can't figure out how to spell it, you're not going to be able to say it when you read it. Or maybe she just wanted to stick it to me for messing up her rhythm. Who knows?

This was about 14 years ago. I grew tired of these inane discussions concerning real names.

Since then, my restaurant name is "West". Easy to spell, hard to mispronounce. It's an expedient name.

Google+ has a real names policy that's a major source of drama and discussion in online circles. As for me, I don't have a real name. I have a real identity, but it's tied to several names. I don't reckon that one is more real than any other. In a restaurant, my "West" name isn't more "real" than "Laura". It's simply more effective.

What if I develop several different characters in online channels, all of whom have different names? Each character may have their own Google+ account. These characters may not be real flesh-and-blood type people, but by gum, they have real identities and real names. The Google+ 'real names" policy will let my fictional people with real names live.

Give it a try. If you're upset about the real names policy, why not populate Google+ with real names of fictional characters, all of whom can friend and validate each other in an underground network that defies detection?

What's your restaurant name?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Mon, 22 Aug 2011 13:59:00 -0700 How to use Facebook to disprove the myth of common sense http://bergells.com/how-to-use-facebook-to-disprove-the-myth-of-c http://bergells.com/how-to-use-facebook-to-disprove-the-myth-of-c

For over 27 years, I have railed against the condescending phrase “common sense”. There is no sense that is common to all humans.

When authority figures urge us to rely on something that doesn’t exist, I feel exasperated. Relying on a fantasy as the basis for real-world decision making isn't helpful or instructive. It often leads to wildly different actions from person to person.

A call to common sense is a call to chaos.

You can easily prove that common sense doesn’t exist. Simply think of a scenario where authority figures often ask you to use common sense. Then, conduct a survey of 10 people and ask how they would react under the hypothetical circumstance.

It’s unlikely that you’ll get 100% agreement on how to proceed or react. There is no sense that is common to even a small community, much less the bulk of humanity.

Let’s use the comment section on this blog to conduct a real world experiment, shall we? I’m going to ask you a question a TV reporter once asked me:

“For reasons of safety and privacy, should people post personal information about themselves on Facebook?”

[As a follow up to my response, the reporter asked if people should 'just use common sense.' Of course I explained my position on common sense and told her unequivocally 'no!']

If you ask 10 different people reading this blog, you’ll probably get at least two different answers about how safe it is to post personal information on Facebook. Go to the comment section and post your own views: it’s quite likely that someone will share an alternate opinion.

What sense, after all, could possibly be common? And do tools like Facebook and Twitter do more to unify or fragment what is often referred to as a 'common sense'?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Mon, 11 Jul 2011 10:49:31 -0700 Farting or Wearing Perfume...which is more socially acceptable? http://bergells.com/farting-or-wearing-perfumewhich-is-more-socia http://bergells.com/farting-or-wearing-perfumewhich-is-more-socia

Fart-tweet

Last month, I met a woman who made me gag. Professionally dressed and immaculately coifed, I could smell her expensive perfume from across the room. Close up, she was appalling to be near. Her smell was overpowering. Cloying. Nauseating.

I backed out of our conversation as fast as I could.

I also met another woman last month. We shook hands.

Then, improbably -- she farted.

The look on her face was horror and embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry!" she stammered.

I started laughing. She looked mortified.

I put my arm around her.

"It happens," I said. "Let's move away from here before the smell kicks in."

We continued our conversation a couple of dozen feet away. We had a few laughs and considered it a bonding moment.

The woman with the perfume offended me. The woman who farted didn't.

One scent was on purpose. The other wasn't.

When you wear perfume in public so that others can smell it, what are you communicating?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Wed, 22 Jun 2011 09:37:35 -0700 Chocolate Email Forwards from Elderly Relatives http://bergells.com/chocolate-email-forwards-from-elderly-relativ http://bergells.com/chocolate-email-forwards-from-elderly-relativ This morning, I received a lengthy email forward from an elderly relative. I usually ignore these emails.

It's not worth the scroll-down hassle to find out all the unlikely ways I'm going to be victimized or to look at a picture of an albino moose playing with a kitten.

But this morning, I was in a mood. The subject line of the email forward, after all, had the words "chocolate cake" in it. So I read it.

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE
4 tablespoons flour
3 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT ! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).
And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?
Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

Seeing as I was in a mood, I made the cake during lunch. After all, I had all the ingredients on hand. Who doesn't?

I set my timer. It actually took 8 minutes and 39 seconds. But remember, I'm in a mood.

Here are the results:

Chocolate-cake

Yes, of course I put on organic Michigan strawberries and whipped cream. After all, I'm in a mood.

And now, aside from being in a mood, I'm all hopped up on sugar, too.

The cake itself isn't half-bad, but I wouldn't serve it to company. Not unless I had tons of fresh fruit, whip cream, and absolutely nothing else to serve.

But if you're in a mood and need chocolate cake, stat -- it's not awful. But honestly, it's more chocolate bread-puddingy than chocolate cakey.

If you have 9 minutes to kill and you're in a mood, go for it.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Thu, 09 Jun 2011 13:49:19 -0700 Who's going to build a hitchhiking app? http://bergells.com/whos-going-to-build-a-hitchhiking-app http://bergells.com/whos-going-to-build-a-hitchhiking-app Gasoline is expensive. Public transportation services are sketchy. Hitchhiking is illegal.

On the other hand:

Carpooling is legal. Ride sharing is responsible. Social media channels connect people.

Why not connect with people who are headed where you’re going?

Why not let social media hook hikers up with drivers -- and drivers up with hikers?

Think of FourSquare meets Yelp, but for hitchhiking and carpooling. Think of badges like

Safe Driver - 10+ trips with 10 different positive passenger ratings
Great Entertainer - 10+ trips with 10 different positive passenger ratings
Local Yocal -10+ trips within 50 miles
Outta Towner - 10+ trips over 50 miles
Rat Racer - 10+ trips to the same location within 3 months
The DD -- 10+ people tagged you with #DD because you didn’t drink

And think of monetizing the service with advertising.

Keep it safe. Rate your ride. Let people know who you’re riding with and where you’re going. Help build a safe ridesharing community.

Now -- who’s going build the app? Because I'd use it. And I'd help market it.

That's my high concept pitch.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Tue, 07 Jun 2011 14:28:00 -0700 How women might use Foursquare... http://bergells.com/how-women-might-use-foursquare http://bergells.com/how-women-might-use-foursquare

Yeah, so maybe I’ll check into a location on Foursquare every couple of months or so. Usually at a public or charitable event, where at least a couple dozen other people have checked in.

Otherwise, I’m not too keen on letting people know where I am with pinpoint accuracy. It’s a safety thing.

I’m also not too motivated to earn badges. I kinda got over collecting badges on my sash when i was a a Girl Scout. Badges? I don't need no stinkin' badges!

OK...so what about getting those little food & drink freebies and discounts for checking into FourSquare, Gowalla, Facebook Places, etc.? Let’s face it: if I’m at a bar, someone’s usually going to buy me a drink. Or dinner. Or whatever.

And that someone is usually male.

There’s just no upside for me to check into Foursquare.

So it comes as no surprise to me that twice as many men as women use these social geolocation services. (Hat tip to @CindyDroog for pointing me to this Economist post.)

Some men seem very eager to let women know where they are. Most women are eager to avoid these men.

Like many women, I don’t want to hang out with "men" who loudly and publicly broadcast their whereabouts, brag inanely about earning dubious mayorships, or virtually squeal with glee when they get a free appetizer or fifty cents off a happy hour drink.

That said, I use Foursquare quite a bit -- but not in the way you might think.

I spy on Foursquare to find out where these over-eager Foursquare men are congregating. And then I go somewhere else. Usually a place that doesn’t have the “check in on FourSquare” sign on the window. Or secret, underground places with proprietors that promise to publicly humiliate any patron who might check into Foursquare.

Surely, I’m not alone in this behavior.

Who else uses Foursquare to avoid crowds and running into people who seem a little too eager to share the minutia of their lives with you?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Fri, 27 May 2011 08:55:00 -0700 Freaking Amazing Cherry Pecan Quinoa Salad Recipe http://bergells.com/freaking-amazing-cherry-pecan-quinoa-salad-re http://bergells.com/freaking-amazing-cherry-pecan-quinoa-salad-re

Years ago, I went to a potluck and tasted the most amazing salad that I have ever put into my mouth. So incredibly delish, I pestered Nancy Krane for the recipe. She graciously faxed me her recipe, and I have been enjoying her salad ever since.

But it's not just me. In turn, my own friends have asked me for the recipe. I have come to learn that this fantastic salad is being enjoyed all over the world. If you love quinoa combined with a host of strong flavors, you'll love this salad.

I can attest: it's a real crowd pleaser! Enjoy.

"Freaking Amazing Cherry Pecan Quinoa Salad Recipe"

Basic Quinoa - makes 3 cups

1 cup uncooked quinoa

2 cups water or vegetable broth

Place quinoa in a fine mesh sieve and rinse in cold water until foam subsides to remove bitterness. Transer quinoa to a small saucepan, add water and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer until liquid is absorbed: about 15 minutes

Cherry-Pecan Quinoa Salad

Cooked quinoa, above.

2 bunches green onion

1 cup dried cherries, chopped

1 cup cilantro, chopped

1-1/2 cups celery, chopped

1-1/2 cups toasted pecans, chopped

1/4 cup lemon juice

2 T olive oil

2 T apple cider vinegar

1/4 t salt to taste

1/4 t ground pepper

pinch cayenne

1. Cook quinoa (see basic recipe above)

2. Add green onions, cherries, cilantro, and celery to a large salad bowl

3. Add olive oil, lemon juice, vinegar, salt, and peers. Stir to mix.

4. Stir in cooled quinoa.

5. Add pecans last to preserve crispness. Stir.

6. Serve at room temperature.

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Mon, 16 May 2011 14:16:00 -0700 Why do people fall for the "Who's Looking At You" wall post? http://bergells.com/why-do-people-fall-for-the-whos-looking-at-yo http://bergells.com/why-do-people-fall-for-the-whos-looking-at-yo

News flash about those Facebook wall posts that read "Find out who's looking at your profile":

They're all spam. The links usually contain nasties like viruses or worms that can wreak havoc.

Yet people fall for this scam over and over again.

But why?

Who's looking at you?

Photo credit: Jennie-O

Whenever I get those "find out who has been looking at your profile!" Facebook spams, I often think:

"Really? Why on EARTH would anyone want to know that? What good can come of it?"

Think about it.

Let's say I find out through some dubious, wormy, virus-packed backdoor method that you've been staring wordlessly at my profile (not gonna happen, but let's pretend). What, exactly, am I supposed to do with the information I glean? Call you up and say,

"Hey. I know you've been looking at my profile. I demand to know why."

How creepy would that be? Why would I put you on the spot like that? And how big of a waste of everyone's time?

Information isn't any good unless a) it's accurate and b) you can act on it.

Knowing who is silently staring at me without interacting doesn't help me start a conversation or build a relationship. It doesn't help me meet any personal or professional goals.

However, let's say that instead of staring wordlessly at me, you interact with me. You ask to become a friend. Or you 'like' my professional page. You might give an occasional 'thumbs up' to a post. Or you might pop in a comment now & again.

Guess what?

If I want to know who's looking at me: I can look at who's INTERACTING with me.

So can you. So can everyone.

So why do people fall for the "who's looking at you" spam wall post over and over again?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Wed, 11 May 2011 13:45:00 -0700 How might you use Google Voice in a crisis? http://bergells.com/how-might-you-use-google-voice-in-a-crisis http://bergells.com/how-might-you-use-google-voice-in-a-crisis

We used Google Voice as the sole number on a crisis response project this month. We took all possible phone numbers that might get a call and directed them go to one number: the Google Voice number. This insured that one trained team answered all the calls. With no transferring or hold time, using Google Voice insured swift and coordinated responses.

And because these automatically-logged calls came in thick and fast, the few that we missed not only went to voicemail, but the team leader received an almost-instant typed transcript that let her quickly prioritize responses. Very smooth.

I also pressed the 'record' button (4) on a habitually harrassing caller. We have neat, time-stamped mp3 files of these contentious conversations.

Google Voice served as a major productivity and communication tool during an emergency situation. How else might Google Voice help you in a crisis?

And if you don't yet use a Google Voice number... why on earth not? What's the down side?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Thu, 07 Apr 2011 11:16:00 -0700 Converting Your Facebook Profile to a Page: Use Your Social Skills! http://bergells.com/converting-your-facebook-profile-to-a-page-us http://bergells.com/converting-your-facebook-profile-to-a-page-us

My most common question of the month?

"Hey, I set up a Facebook profile for my biz & it turns out it's supposed to be a page. Now what?"

You'll want to convert that profile to a page, pronto. It's a violation of Facebook Terms of Service, and they've been known to shut down these kinds of outlaw profiles!

Beyond it being merely illegal, you'll see a zillion other benefits to having a business page versus a profile. These benefits include easier administration, better stats, custom fan pages, and a whole ton of other good stuff.

However, the process for converting bandito biz profiles into legal biz pages isn't easy or elegant. Even though FaceBook came out with an automated method for conversion last month, I keep hearing reports about how buggy/useless the process is. That's just one reason why I still recommend doing the conversion manually.

Why else do I like an ugly, manual process?

Because doing it manually means that you -- gasp -- have to use your social skills! You get to actually communicate with your friends! And in so doing, you get to -- get this -- win friends and influence people!

PLUS you get access to KEY BUSINESS METRICS that you'd never get if you'd use the automated technial process! Bear with me on this: I'll explain later in this post...

First, though: how do you convert a profile to a page the manual, old-school way? Here are the basics:

Technically, this is not an elegant process. You have to use those messy yet oh-so desirable social skills. You might want to try a sense of humor -- for example, admit to your friends that you're a Facebook Gangsta outlaw rebel, that you're trying to get clean and you need their help to go straight! (Believe it or not, a sense of humor often works well on Facebook.)

Will all of your 'friends' flock to your new page? Probably not. You'll lose some folks. But mostly, you'll lose the folks that don't really love you or aren't paying attention to what you say, anyway. And Facebook burnouts have already dropped out. So, no big loss. In fact, it's all a win: you're no longer wasting time marketing to people that have absolutely no interest in your company.

After it becomes clear that you've lost some folks, guess what? You can interview them to find out why -- hurrah! More important insights for your business!

With the ugly, manual, social process -- you'll actually have new & exciting metrics on who is paying attention & who really cares about what you have to say! And with your post-survey to dropped out fans, you'll know exactly what you were doing before that turned people off. Score!

Further, changing from profile to page gives you ONE MORE EXCUSE to talk to your customers and find out who is really passionate about your product, business, or services. The manual way of conversion, though messy & inelegant, actually rocks!

It makes me wish I had set up my own page illegally! (Seriously -- you can "like" my fan page on Facebook without the hassle of ever becoming my friend.)

Once you make the switch, you'll see the many advantages of having a page for your business instead of a profile. Now, go forth and use those social skills to convert friends into fans!

Pick up the pieces!

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Fri, 01 Apr 2011 15:03:00 -0700 Ballsy April Fool's Day Presentation... http://bergells.com/ballsy-april-fools-day-presentation-0 http://bergells.com/ballsy-april-fools-day-presentation-0

The speaker said,

"I have one thing to say."

Then he stood quietly, while the audience looked at him.

It took most of us over a minute to get the joke.

When we started laughing, the speaker just smiled and nodded.

You have to possess remarkable confidence to pull that off well. Wish I had a video of it...

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Fri, 01 Apr 2011 15:03:00 -0700 Ballsy April Fool's Day Presentation... http://bergells.com/ballsy-april-fools-day-presentation http://bergells.com/ballsy-april-fools-day-presentation

The speaker said,

"I have one thing to say."

Then he stood quietly, while the audience looked at him.

It took most of us over a minute to get the joke.

When we started laughing, the speaker just smiled and nodded.

You have to possess remarkable confidence to pull that off well. Wish I had a video of it...

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Wed, 23 Mar 2011 09:45:52 -0700 An elegant social media presentation...with a touch of ass http://bergells.com/an-elegant-social-media-presentationwith-a-to http://bergells.com/an-elegant-social-media-presentationwith-a-to

Butts-in-seats

I'm so tickled that I get to work with clients who appreciate understated elegance.

Very understated.

I'm now re-writing/designing my presentation "Using Tweets to put butts in seats".

Version 2 promises to be even cheekier.

Also working on clarifying a few technical points:

It's pronounced #hashtag
Not #asstag (props to @stellafly)

Clients & chums routinely "crack" me up. Looking forward to meeting a groovy business audience...

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Tue, 22 Mar 2011 07:26:00 -0700 Top 3 Weirdest LinkedIn Profiles Ever http://bergells.com/top-3-weirdest-linkedin-profiles-ever http://bergells.com/top-3-weirdest-linkedin-profiles-ever

So LinkedIn announces today that it FINALLY reached 100 million users. Bully for them.

With 100 million profiles, there are bound to be some doozies. In fact, I suspect that a few million 'users' aren't taking their LinkedIn profiles that seriously.

My favorite LinkedIn profile from the past was the magical RoryB, who regaled us with his prison exploits on LinkedIn. "You make a shiv, you use a shiv, am I right?"

Sadly, RoryB's outrageous profile is no longer on LinkedIn. Perhaps he's in solitary. Perhaps they've confiscated his computer and internet connection. We'll probably never know for sure.

After RoryB, here are 3 of the weirdest LinkedIn profiles I've found, for your viewing pleasure. Please enjoy today: for tomorrow, they may be gone. And if you find any that are weirder, let me know!

BONUS: Kevin Bacon, actor -- OK, technically, this isn't weird. But it's fun to see how many degrees of Kevin Bacon you are on LinkedIn...

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Sat, 19 Mar 2011 14:03:00 -0700 All online, all the time. There is no 'offline' anymore. http://bergells.com/all-online-all-the-time-there-is-no-offline-a http://bergells.com/all-online-all-the-time-there-is-no-offline-a

I seldom go to malls. I sometimes shop the big anchor stores in the mall, but actually walk through one? Not so much.

However, the Secretary of State branch office nearest my home is in a mall. I went there with my mother to renew her license plate tabs today.

We walked through the mall to get to the branch office. As we did, we passed a tiny shop filled with shiny, bright-colored women’s clothing made from non-natural fibers. Most tops were very low cut. Many were adorned with glittery gobs of some kind of fake-looking stone. The front window featured two low cut dresses so short, they would barely cover anyone’s private areas. It also contained a variety of glossy pants in a rainbow of neon colors.

My mom pointed and laughed. “Look at the funny clothes! So shiny! What is that, a dress or a shirt?”

Fearing my mom would step into the creepy, empty shop on a lark (no visible shop attendant, even!) I blurted, “It’s a shop for whores and strippers.”

We had a laugh and kept walking. Mom observed that whores have to buy their clothes somewhere. We shrugged and guessed that the mall with a Secretary of State’s office in it is as good a place as any.

We had walked perhaps 200 feet away from the tacky clothing store when an angry fat man came chugging up from behind us and said,

“Excuse me, were you the woman in front on my shop just now that told her mother that my store was a store for whores and strippers?” he asked.

I assured him that yes, indeed, I was.

Indignant, he declared that his shop was not a store for whores and strippers.

“It’s a woman’s clothing store,” he huffed.

My mom burst into laughter. I snorted, then suppressed my mirth when I saw the man looked apoplectic. He was turning purple with rage. This was not "Candid Camera."

“I think he’s really mad, Laura,” Mom giggled.

“C’mon,” I reasoned with the man. “No one’s going to wear those clothes except whores and strippers. Everyone knows that!”

Apparently, he didn’t, though.

“I can’t believe you’re saying these things in front of your mother,” he sputtered. “You should go to church and find Jesus!”

With that, he turned and trudged back toward the direction of the shop.

It took about 10 minutes for my mom & I to stop laughing, but then I got to thinking. I made my comments privately to my mother. The store itself was empty. There was no one around us in the mall, where I had made my comment.

The man wasn’t even really certain if I was the woman who was talking about his shop. He had to ask me to make sure.

I suspect my mother and I were being electronically eavesdropped.

In recent weeks, much ado has been made about thinking before you post in social media channels. Everything you say on Facebook and Twitter is public. You have zero expectation of privacy online. You can be fired for accidental or offhand comments made in the public, online space.

Yet, even mother-daughter exchanges over clothing at a mall are fair game for electronic voyeurs. There is no offline.

I’m OK with that. I stand by my public mall comments. It’s nothing I wouldn’t say again. The shop owner reacted badly to my comments -- he could have used them as market research, but instead chose another, riskier path. And that’s OK, too.

The tackiness, the delusion, the rage -- it’s all part of the expected mall experience.

Social media channels like Twitter and Facebook are very much like walking in a public mall. How you look and what you say is open for interpretation by proprietors who lurk behind their monitors. And in turn -- the mall, the coffee shop, the restaurant, the playground -- they’re all online channels, too.

You’re online all the time now. How are you feeling about that?

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells Tue, 15 Mar 2011 10:36:00 -0700 Another reason to take training seriously... http://bergells.com/another-reason-to-take-training-seriously http://bergells.com/another-reason-to-take-training-seriously

I forgot to sign the back of my new credit card. Before making a first purchase, the cashier looked at the back of my card and told me she couldn't accept it because it wasn't signed. So, I signed the card as she watched.

She then ran my freshly-signed card through a machine and printed a receipt. She asked me to sign the receipt. I did so -- once again, right in front of her.

Squinting, she carefully compared the signature on my receipt to the one on the back of my card.

"They look the same," she announced, brightly. "So it's OK for me to accept it. We have to be really super careful about credit card fraud."

I think there may be a problem with the company's training programs. Or hiring practices. Or drug screening practices

Or all of the above.

photo credit: 4nitsirk

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]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/81875/laura-bergells-self-portrait.png http://posterous.com/users/eMCutAB7z3 Laura Bergells maniactive Laura Bergells